Sunday, August 26, 2007

Eau de Doggie

Why is it, that our owners insist on keeping us clean? We are dogs for goodness sake, it's our God given right to smell like one!

Admittedly I am not the outdoorsy kind, and the roughest surface my paws generally touch is the kitchen tiles. I don't ever get the chance to roll in the dirt or hit the beach, and honestly I much prefer the comfort of my bag, and am not that keen on the feeling of sand running through my paws.

Humans are obsessed with their own hygiene, deodorants, perfumes and body butters, I am sure my mum could have bought a small island with the amount of money she has spent on that kind of stuff over the years... what drives me mental is she feels the need to take out her obsessive compulsive freakiness out on me!

For some reason she has a coronary every time I lick my paws or my neither regions... screaming at me as if I committed bloody murder.
What she ceases to understand is we dogs have no problem in sniffing our other furry friends nether regions, so why, Oh why is it such a problem when sniffing my own?

The other thing I love to do to stir her up, is after I have done a number 1, I like to give it a quick spot check, in other words, a quick whiff just to make sure all is as it should be... and she starts goes completely ballistic at me... geez!

Sometimes if I really want to piss her off, I'll give the said wizz a quick lick... it tastes a little tart and does something really weird to my tongue, cause it starts quivering out of control... but the look on her face is priceless and well worth the taste!

Having said that though, one of these days I'll be eating my words when she decides to post a video on "You Tube" of me in the act.

Today she made me have a bath... man I really hate baths... I only had one two weeks ago, yet she thought I needed another one! Not only am I subjected to being stuck in a bucket of water up to my neck, but then I am made to sit there, all nice and still while she clips my nails, trims my paws (I can't help the fact that they look like hobbits feet) and cleans my ears... Grrrrr! Can't a girl get some peace and quiet, Sunday is part of my weekend too!

Anyway now that I am just chilling before a massive week at work, I just thought I'd put it out there, in case any of my fellow furry friends felt the same!

Well I should call it a night and get some beauty sleep... this is me signing off for now!
Till next time stay fabulous and always be kind to animals!
Adieu Angelxxx

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Lack of Breeding...

I know I am a dog, I can't speak (in your tongue), I don't pay taxes, and I don't work for a living per say... however what I have noticed lately is quite perturbing... the lack of general breeding.

I know a lot about this subject, after all I am a pedigree coming from a long line of champion ancestors, let me clarify, in plain English, people have gone and lost their manners!

My Great Nana had an old saying "You catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar", I am truly appalled at the lack of manners I constantly witness...

How hard is it to say "please" or "thank you" even us critters have a simple communication skill to express the fore mentioned... if we want to convey "please" we can beg, look cute, jump around, wag our tails and make cute little whiny noises, to say thank you, it's as simple as a lick, a wag of the tail or a cuddle... so why is it for you humans with your exorbitant vocabularies that you can not express the simplest of courtesies?

It has gotten so bad that I have watched in astonishment, how taken back people are when my mum says "Thank you".
Dear, sweet, lovely people, that have obviously gone out of their way to help my mum, they are so shocked that they thank her in return for thanking them, and it all becomes one big smooshy love fest.

Regardless the point I am trying to make is very simple even for us animal folk... it is amazing what you can really get out of people when you take a few extra seconds out of your day to say "Thank you", next time you are driving in peak hour and some nice random lets you in, raise your hand and say "thank you", next time you are shopping and a sales assistant has been pleasant, say "thank you"... next time you want something from someone, simply ask "please", you might be astonished at what you might get in return!

Thank you for reading...
Please check back again!
Stay fabulous!
Adieu Angel xxxx

Monday, July 2, 2007

Saturday night and BBQ skewers...

So I hope you all had a good weekend, mine was pretty quiet, just the usual, hanging out with some friends, a bit of a sleep in, and just generally chilling out.

I was invited to a BBQ on Saturday night, so of course I was on my best behavior... no begging, no whinging, I know to just sit in my bag, and speak when spoken to.

I am sitting there on Mum's lap, minding my own business, when all of a sudden out from nowhere came what can only be called a "devil" child. When you are only 7.5 inches tall, a 2 year old can be a scary prospect.

So I did the only thing any self respecting girl should do, cuddled up to my mum and tried to stay out of harms way... which was all going swimmingly until the terror on two legs attempted his best impersonation of the Boston strangler, his greasy, slobbery little hands wrapped themselves around my little neck as he attempted to squeeze the living breath out of me, all the while his mother is sitting in the corner swigging down copious amounts of vino. Hello, a little child control please!

I saw my mum taking it all in her stride, she hardly even winced when the little grot wiped his filthy little fingers on her new designer jeans, so I held my head high, and bit my tongue.
It was not long after that moment that I nearly ended up like the 3 blind mice, mum was chatting away, when "Chuckie" personified decided to do a screaming bolt towards me, armed with 2 wooden skewer sticks, he found in the rubbish. If it hadn't have been for mum's quick reflexes, I could be bringing the pirate patch back in to fashion.

As a dog, there is a certain level of decorum that needs to be had, when at public gatherings, that is of course if you want to be welcomed back and not left in the dog house, literally!
There is to be no licking of the nether regions, no breaking wind, if one can at all help it, no whining and NO begging for food and a zero tolerance policy on biting of any kind.

If me or one of my four legged counterparts even dared to raise a lip, show a tooth or growl in someones direction we would be toast, if one of us ever bit a human, it would be off to the pound with me, hello needle, and nighty night Angel!

So why do some humans let their own little mongrels run a rampage and torture animals, the mum thought it was hysterical saying the little demon had a staffy at home and was used to punching and kicking her... this is just NOT cool!

If you have a 2 legged beast that can't be controlled how bout you try what our parents do, it's called a leash, and they come in many fashion colours to match any outfit!
If we have to go to puppy school to learn some manners, maybe the same thing should apply to humans. I am not a My little Pony, you can not ride me, you can not poke me till I giggle and you CAN not attempted to skewer my eyes out!

Please, please humans, be kind and gentle to us of the 4 legged breed, we will love you, cuddle you and do all we can to make you love us... all we ask for is a little respect in return!

Till next time, PLEASE be kind to animals, and stay fabulous
Luv Angelxxx

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Writer's Block and a Cheese called Chihuahua

So I am like all excited and stuff about having my own blog... I am sitting here laptop all to myself and feeling rather uninspired... Who would have thought dog's could get writer's block?
I haven't really been out anywhere either, due to the crap weather, will this rain ever stop, it's making my fur go frizzy, and I just got a blow dry the other day.

I am scanning my I-pod, trying to find some music that might inspire me... nada!

I went and had a look at a few websites for some new clothes, maybe a new collar or something blingy, BORING!

So I have just been surfing the net looking at random stuff... I thought I would look myself up on Wikipedia, and do you know what was on the front page, and entire article dedicated to the Wonderbra, I mean seriously, England just got a new Priminister, our climate is suffering from Global Warming, there is a war still raging in the Middle East, and Wikipedia is promoting a push up bra - What tha?

I was also quite perplexed to find that there is a Cheese named after me, well not me per say, but there is a Mexican Cheese called Chihuahua, check it out... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chihuahua_cheese

Speaking of England's new PM, did you know his middle name is "Ebenezer" as in Charles Dickens Ebenezer Scrooge, hmmm wonder what that will mean for the poms... I also read that he once dated a Romanian Princess, I wonder how that might effect this thoughts on foreign policy? There is really nothing you can't find on the net these days!

Anyway, it's getting close to my dinner time, and I am feeling rather peckish, maybe if I go hover around my food bowl and make some annoying whining noises Mum might feed me.

Until next time stay fabulous and be kind to animals
Adieu Angelxxx





Monday, June 25, 2007

I have a bone to pick!

So what... you think just because I am a chihuahua I can't write a blog... whatever!
I am so sick of the bad name us Chihuahua's have after a certain heiress that shall remain unamed decided to parade us round like a fashion accessory, seriously Tinkerbell has feelings too you know, and what was worse, poor Tinks got replaced by a ferret!
There is a saying you humans have - you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives... well let me tell you same goes for us, speaking of Tinks, word is she tried to get a new start but her abduction plan totally caved and blondie found her again.

Talking of feelings, I am majorly peeved... I have a bone to pick, literally...
When my mum (more about her later) takes on one of those trips to those big mall things, I do what any self respecting hand bag dwelling dog should, I sit in my bag looking cuter than Jake Gyllenhaal in a suit and behave myself, I don't go sticking my head out sniffing strangers bums, I don't lick, and I certainly don't bark. I have manners, breeding, I am a pedigree for God's sake, so why oh why do idiot humans feel the need to leer and stare?

Yes dumbass, I am a dog in a bag... yes moron I am real, (my mum is a bit of loon, but not completely crazy), yes I am freaking cute, hell do I know it and if I didn't have a tongue that was too big for my mouth, I would bite your snotty nose little prat for smacking me on the head like a tickle me Elmo doll.... Grrrrrrr!!!!

Sorry for getting my fur in a fluster but it just bothers me...

Now where was I, ahhh yes, please excuse me for not properly introducing myself, I am Angel, but more about me later, my mum is on the move, damn looks like we have to go... one can only imagine where we will end up this time, if I had a dollar for everytime some dim witted human said "Oh my look at it's tongue hanging out it must be thirsty!" I would be carried around in one of those Louis Vuitton dog bags... ahhh a girl can have dreams can't she...

Until next time stay fabulous and be kind to animals
Adieu Angelxxx